We met with a new RE at our same office. We enjoyed our last RE but since our office is so large and the doctors are all spread out we had to drive an hour to see him. That was no big deal when it was just the two of us, but now that we need to get a sitter to attend these appointments, it makes more sense to be able to see a Dr. in one of their closer offices. She was really nice and I know we are going to enjoy working with her.
We talked about my endometriosis and how I'm feeling super bloated, exhausted, and experience pain during sex, periods, and going to the bathroom. It totally sucks and is definitely taking a toll on me physically and mentally. We talked about Lupron and how it wouldn't be something she'd recommend with my history of migraines. Ok, so that's off the table. I wanted to try and tame my endo not only so I'd feel better but to help our success with the future FET. She didn't seem to think that it would effect our success rate, which was encouraging.
She gave us the information I wanted on the FET and on paper it seemed SO simple compared to the work that went into the IVF. Questions about thawing and finances were covered. We talked about a timeline of June or July. It has to be after I run my 2nd marathon in June.
Until then, I'm going in for blood work and a sono HSG. My husband will also get an updated blood work panel. We will then meet again to talk about what to do for my endometriosis so that I can feel more like myself again.
All of my anxiety and worries went away and I'm feeling better after this meeting. I am well aware that my worries and emotional state will fluctuate as we get closer to, and are in the thick of, the FET.
Showing posts with label planning. Show all posts
Showing posts with label planning. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
Every Single Day
Ever since C turned 2 I am getting asked on a consistent basis about when we'll have another one. Only a few have really come out and asked that question while most people tip toe around it without coming right out and saying it. They say things like "Oh he'll make a great big brother..." Or "Almost time for another!" and I think they want me to tell them when it's going to happen. I don't. I won't.
The truth is: I don't know when it will happen. Honestly, I don't know if it will happen. I'm not in any rush just yet. Despite the fact that I would love to give C a sibling in the near future, we're not ready. Our house has gotten smaller somehow. The thought of another human living here makes me squirm. We also haven't mastered sleeping through the night so I feel like a newborn would make sure that none of us ever get sleep. My husband isn't ready and I'm not ready for him to resent me for the rest of our lives.
The biggest worry for me is is that we would do a FET and what if that doesn't work? What if they don't thaw well? What if the one we transfer doesn't take? That's it folks. I don't know how we'd afford a fresh IVF cycle considering the fact that we are still paying off the first one.
I'm terrified of the irony that could exist. Us not being ready for a second child and then when we are ready it not even being an option for us. The world is cruel sometimes. I'm not ready to find out what is in store for us.
I wish I could be excited at the thought of getting pregnant again. Being pregnant again- yes. I'd love to be pregnant again. I loved every second of it, even when I thought my vagina bone was going to break. However, getting pregnant. That's a whole different ball game. I'm just scared and I think about it every single day.
The truth is: I don't know when it will happen. Honestly, I don't know if it will happen. I'm not in any rush just yet. Despite the fact that I would love to give C a sibling in the near future, we're not ready. Our house has gotten smaller somehow. The thought of another human living here makes me squirm. We also haven't mastered sleeping through the night so I feel like a newborn would make sure that none of us ever get sleep. My husband isn't ready and I'm not ready for him to resent me for the rest of our lives.
The biggest worry for me is is that we would do a FET and what if that doesn't work? What if they don't thaw well? What if the one we transfer doesn't take? That's it folks. I don't know how we'd afford a fresh IVF cycle considering the fact that we are still paying off the first one.
I'm terrified of the irony that could exist. Us not being ready for a second child and then when we are ready it not even being an option for us. The world is cruel sometimes. I'm not ready to find out what is in store for us.
I wish I could be excited at the thought of getting pregnant again. Being pregnant again- yes. I'd love to be pregnant again. I loved every second of it, even when I thought my vagina bone was going to break. However, getting pregnant. That's a whole different ball game. I'm just scared and I think about it every single day.
Monday, July 28, 2014
Under Pressure
It's all around me.
People getting pregnant, or trying for baby number 2, or having baby number 2 or 3. As I just turned 30 this month I'm beginning to feel the pressure to begin our journey for number 2. However, I'm not ready for that.
I hear how insanely hard it is with two. "Different" is the word most people use. Some won't really tell you how tough it is because for some reason everyone likes to pretend life is grand and filled with candy and unicorns. I know better than that. I'd rather know so I can prepare myself mentally for the shift that would take place.
I know that lack of sleep will suck again. I know that if I feel overwhelmed with not having much "me" time now with one, then having 2 will only make my head crazier. I know that it means that running will probably take a backseat for awhile and I'll be spending most of my time nursing- hopefully that works out well again.
I've got things I want to do, and until they are done I don't think I can start trying for number two. That's the other thing that's different this time. Trying no longer means tracking 409809 things and hitting the sheets. Trying means getting monitored, having blood work, getting injections and a Frozen Egg Transfer. My word trying this time around means preparing ourselves for it all. The mood swings. The bloat. The potential let down.
I'm afraid of what that will do to me as a mother. I want to soak up all the minutes of C's life but sometimes it's all too much. What if I can't handle being a momma to 2? What if being on the injections makes me unable to be with C the way I'd want to? I'm sure it will.
I do know that I want Carter to have a sibling. I want him to have a built in buddy, hopefully a best friend. I don't want him going through life alone should some kind of tragedy occur. I daydream about him cuddling, feeding and playing with a baby brother or sister.
What if the cycles don't work and then we're trying again for 2 years. Ugh. I never wanted to have a child past 31. Our who life "plan" changed so much. It is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it, but it sucks to be such a bystander in your own life. Watching as things happen, hoping that you get pregnant on your own but full well knowing it won't happen that way.
I'm pretty sure I'm not making any sense right now. I just need to get all of these ramblings out.
Once again I feel like I'm being left behind in the world of the fertile. We were the first to start trying, the last to actually have our baby and now everyone is having number 2 and here we are again. Probably the last to have another baby. I know life isn't a contest but it would be really nice to think, "oh a spring baby would be nice" and then have it happen. I will never know what that's like.
All of this pressure is too much. All I know is that we are not ready for number two and there is NOTHING wrong with that but I feel like I have to defend our choices as people start asking me.
::sigh::
People getting pregnant, or trying for baby number 2, or having baby number 2 or 3. As I just turned 30 this month I'm beginning to feel the pressure to begin our journey for number 2. However, I'm not ready for that.
I hear how insanely hard it is with two. "Different" is the word most people use. Some won't really tell you how tough it is because for some reason everyone likes to pretend life is grand and filled with candy and unicorns. I know better than that. I'd rather know so I can prepare myself mentally for the shift that would take place.
I know that lack of sleep will suck again. I know that if I feel overwhelmed with not having much "me" time now with one, then having 2 will only make my head crazier. I know that it means that running will probably take a backseat for awhile and I'll be spending most of my time nursing- hopefully that works out well again.
I've got things I want to do, and until they are done I don't think I can start trying for number two. That's the other thing that's different this time. Trying no longer means tracking 409809 things and hitting the sheets. Trying means getting monitored, having blood work, getting injections and a Frozen Egg Transfer. My word trying this time around means preparing ourselves for it all. The mood swings. The bloat. The potential let down.
I'm afraid of what that will do to me as a mother. I want to soak up all the minutes of C's life but sometimes it's all too much. What if I can't handle being a momma to 2? What if being on the injections makes me unable to be with C the way I'd want to? I'm sure it will.
I do know that I want Carter to have a sibling. I want him to have a built in buddy, hopefully a best friend. I don't want him going through life alone should some kind of tragedy occur. I daydream about him cuddling, feeding and playing with a baby brother or sister.
What if the cycles don't work and then we're trying again for 2 years. Ugh. I never wanted to have a child past 31. Our who life "plan" changed so much. It is what it is and there is nothing I can do about it, but it sucks to be such a bystander in your own life. Watching as things happen, hoping that you get pregnant on your own but full well knowing it won't happen that way.
I'm pretty sure I'm not making any sense right now. I just need to get all of these ramblings out.
Once again I feel like I'm being left behind in the world of the fertile. We were the first to start trying, the last to actually have our baby and now everyone is having number 2 and here we are again. Probably the last to have another baby. I know life isn't a contest but it would be really nice to think, "oh a spring baby would be nice" and then have it happen. I will never know what that's like.
All of this pressure is too much. All I know is that we are not ready for number two and there is NOTHING wrong with that but I feel like I have to defend our choices as people start asking me.
::sigh::
Sunday, March 30, 2014
The What-Ifs
This is ridiculous. We aren't even close to actually trying for baby number 2 but already, the What-Ifs are crossing my mind, chasing hope and turning it into fear.
What if we don't get pregnant on our own? Why do I even think this is possible after all we went through? I have no idea, perhaps the growing number of surprise BFPs by my IF mommy friends.
What if our FET doesn't work?
What if we then have to do IVF and that doesn't work? We wouldn't be able to afford another round of IVF.
What if we have to accept the fact that Carter has to be an only child when we want so badly to give him a sibling?
What if we get no choice in the matter?
Will I be able to rid myself of that guilt?
What if I never had to go through any of this?
What if we don't get pregnant on our own? Why do I even think this is possible after all we went through? I have no idea, perhaps the growing number of surprise BFPs by my IF mommy friends.
What if our FET doesn't work?
What if we then have to do IVF and that doesn't work? We wouldn't be able to afford another round of IVF.
What if we have to accept the fact that Carter has to be an only child when we want so badly to give him a sibling?
What if we get no choice in the matter?
Will I be able to rid myself of that guilt?
What if I never had to go through any of this?
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Follow up appointment
I met with my OB/GYN on Friday. It was a quick but productive meeting. We got right to business and set up a plan.
JT will be dropping off his swimmers at the hospital this week for analysis. I'll be scheduling a HSG when I get my period, which I am sure is on it's way since my temp dropped this morning. My Dr said that the HSG might clear things out and that some women get pregnant within a month or two of the procedure. I don't want to put all my eggs... ha, in that in that basket, but one can hope.
We'll hear about the results and then most likely get referred to a local Reproductive Specialist. It seems that our next option would be IVF... definitely now how I imagined bringing a life into this world... but if it gives us a family then I am all for it!
JT will be dropping off his swimmers at the hospital this week for analysis. I'll be scheduling a HSG when I get my period, which I am sure is on it's way since my temp dropped this morning. My Dr said that the HSG might clear things out and that some women get pregnant within a month or two of the procedure. I don't want to put all my eggs... ha, in that in that basket, but one can hope.
We'll hear about the results and then most likely get referred to a local Reproductive Specialist. It seems that our next option would be IVF... definitely now how I imagined bringing a life into this world... but if it gives us a family then I am all for it!
Sunday, December 26, 2010
Christmas has come and gone.
Christmas with the family was great, except Santa forgot one thing... the baby I had asked for.... So on to cycle number 8 we go.
We are now in our 8th cycle of trying. It is weird that it has been this long. It seems like we should have a baby growing inside me right now, but of course we don't. I can't get over the fact that it is taking the same amount of time to try to get pregnant as it does to carry a baby full term.
I made an appointment with my ob/gyn because I have had some issues with my lady parts in the past and I wanted to talk with her and just be assured that things are ok. I also wanted to be able to have a plan should things not be ok. She sent me in for blood work. I went in on Day 3 of my cycle for the first part of the blood work. I got a phone call that things looked good, which is great news! My second part of blood work will occur on Jan 6. I then have an appointment with that very same day to have the lining in my uterus checked by internal ultrasound. It will be then that we discuss what she sees.
Maybe just hearing from a professional that nothing is wrong with me will help. I don't know. Maybe the timing just isn't right for us. Maybe this is what I get for walking around all of the beginning of 2009 saying that in 2010 we'd start trying and would have baby. Maybe I did something that is making it take so long. I don't know. I just know that I can't help but blame myself or feel like I did something wrong.
Of course the process of baby making has become what seems like a business transaction. We work hard to make sure it is spontaneous and the sex is always good, but since I've started with the ovulation prediction kits that tells you when it is good to have sex, it is more planned and less random. It just feels weird.
We have one more shot of getting pregnant in 2010 and I would love for this to be IT. Fingers, toes, eyes and butt cheeks crossed! :-)
We are now in our 8th cycle of trying. It is weird that it has been this long. It seems like we should have a baby growing inside me right now, but of course we don't. I can't get over the fact that it is taking the same amount of time to try to get pregnant as it does to carry a baby full term.
I made an appointment with my ob/gyn because I have had some issues with my lady parts in the past and I wanted to talk with her and just be assured that things are ok. I also wanted to be able to have a plan should things not be ok. She sent me in for blood work. I went in on Day 3 of my cycle for the first part of the blood work. I got a phone call that things looked good, which is great news! My second part of blood work will occur on Jan 6. I then have an appointment with that very same day to have the lining in my uterus checked by internal ultrasound. It will be then that we discuss what she sees.
Maybe just hearing from a professional that nothing is wrong with me will help. I don't know. Maybe the timing just isn't right for us. Maybe this is what I get for walking around all of the beginning of 2009 saying that in 2010 we'd start trying and would have baby. Maybe I did something that is making it take so long. I don't know. I just know that I can't help but blame myself or feel like I did something wrong.
Of course the process of baby making has become what seems like a business transaction. We work hard to make sure it is spontaneous and the sex is always good, but since I've started with the ovulation prediction kits that tells you when it is good to have sex, it is more planned and less random. It just feels weird.
We have one more shot of getting pregnant in 2010 and I would love for this to be IT. Fingers, toes, eyes and butt cheeks crossed! :-)
Monday, May 3, 2010
Can't stop thinking about it...
Yesterday I was adding things to my wish-list on Amazon.com, thinking about my birthday, and then I ventured off into baby stuff. I started looking at bedding.
I honestly was just curious about the possible ways we could decorate the baby room. I have a few ideas in mind but wasn't sure if I'd be able to find bedding or anything to match what I want. Well, one thing led to another, and I was looking at baby stuff for half an hour!
I keep thinking about our baby. I really hope I am not jinxing anything by doing any of this stuff.... But I feel like it is similar to when you start to think about planning your wedding before you even have a ring on your finger... right? Well, that is how I think about this whole thing.
And then I was talking to my sister and she told me she wants us to have a baby now... "I know, me tooo!" was my response! :-)
I honestly was just curious about the possible ways we could decorate the baby room. I have a few ideas in mind but wasn't sure if I'd be able to find bedding or anything to match what I want. Well, one thing led to another, and I was looking at baby stuff for half an hour!
I keep thinking about our baby. I really hope I am not jinxing anything by doing any of this stuff.... But I feel like it is similar to when you start to think about planning your wedding before you even have a ring on your finger... right? Well, that is how I think about this whole thing.
And then I was talking to my sister and she told me she wants us to have a baby now... "I know, me tooo!" was my response! :-)
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Baby Furniture
Yesterday BIL and SIL stopped by and generously gave JT and I a bassinet and a baby swing they used with their daughter. It was very exciting accepting this baby furniture. They sit in our living room often being inspected by our pup who clearly doesn't know what to think.
I think it makes me want a baby now! :-)
I think it makes me want a baby now! :-)
Sunday, April 11, 2010
Just thinking
Yesterday we spent the afternoon with some friends and their child. While the guys mostly hung around inside watching sports and talking about "manly" things, the mom and her son and I ventured outside for awhile. We just played with cars and trucks and bubbles and laughed and talked a little bit here and there. It gave me a glimpse of what a sunny Saturday could be like some day with a child of our own.
It is amazing how much something you look forward to can take over your mind so quickly.
It is amazing how much something you look forward to can take over your mind so quickly.
Thursday, April 8, 2010
We'll make good parents
Someone told me today that we'd make good parents. I like to think they are right. This made me smile.
Last night we joked about our future baby's name. This also made me smile.
Last night we joked about our future baby's name. This also made me smile.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Our Little Secret
Someone asked me today about when we'd be getting ready for a baby. I shrugged and said "sometime over the summer."
It is hard to go around and not tell people that we'll actually be starting to just let things happen in a few short weeks... but after advertising it all last year like a plane with a banner trailing behind, I want this to be something special for just us, because IT IS!
I am so open and not a very private person but I have to remember it is not just about me, it is about JT AND I so I have to be considerate of his feelings. Plus, it will be nice to have this be our little secret for awhile. I am too quick to tell people the news, whether good or bad, because I'm like that. I really hope I can keep this in because I really, truly want to enjoy it, just the two of us, for as long as possible!!!
It is hard to go around and not tell people that we'll actually be starting to just let things happen in a few short weeks... but after advertising it all last year like a plane with a banner trailing behind, I want this to be something special for just us, because IT IS!
I am so open and not a very private person but I have to remember it is not just about me, it is about JT AND I so I have to be considerate of his feelings. Plus, it will be nice to have this be our little secret for awhile. I am too quick to tell people the news, whether good or bad, because I'm like that. I really hope I can keep this in because I really, truly want to enjoy it, just the two of us, for as long as possible!!!
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