Lately, I'm having a hard time doing my job and doing it well. I've been feeling this way since the start of the school year. My head just isn't in the game. I'm constantly thinking of what we are dealing with and what I can do to make the odds better for us so that we can finally have our baby. I can't focus and I feel bad about it. I just don't want to work. I'm too distracted to be there. Yesterday I was thinking how work was getting in the way of my life and then I laughed at myself because work is the reason I can do anything in life. Without work there would be no pay check and with no paycheck there would be no gas in my car, no food on the table... you get the picture.
Basically I just need to win the lottery.
We have figured out a way to get the money we need without paying such a big finance fee. It is in the midst of being finalized so I am still feeling uneasy. I know I won't feel OK until a check is sent to our clinic and our bill is paid so we can start the cycle. I hope then I'll be able to sleep again. I've been tossing and turning and waking up right at 3 or 4 am every single morning and not being able to go back to sleep. That makes for one tired teacher who doesn't have patience to deal with her 4th graders. No good.
My husband and I are headed to the Patriots Playoff game tonight. I am so excited to go tailgating and to be able to have fun and just forget about our troubles for an evening. I hope you all have a wonderful weekend!
There are days where work is definitely not helping my situation. All I want to do is take a break and focus on what is happening. The thing that helped me was watching a woman in my support group who did quit her job so that she could focus on infertility and getting pregnant. She's been driving herself insane for at least 2 years with nothing to distract her.
ReplyDeleteThere's no right answer for how to handle IF. For some, vacation helps them reset. Others find a little bit of time away from work helps (this was true for a good friend who was also an elementary school teacher). But work can also be a welcome distraction, giving you something else to focus on. It's hard, I know. But sometimes we need a break from IF.
These little getaways are really important toward keeping our bonds strong in our relationships. I know that my spouse and I try to get away for just a day trip once a month. The distraction does help.
ReplyDeleteHey, enjoy the game - stay warm, everyone on the sidelines looks mighty cold!!!
ReplyDeleteWinning the lottery definitely beats stressing over paying for infertility treatments! Hopefully you can get some sleep this weekend to recharge for another week of work--but at least it's a short week, right?
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean....I am taking a medical leave this cycle (because I am useless at work at this time anyways and actually have to be out of country). I worry about it a lot, but I figure if the cycle is successful I will never regret it. Do you have some type of short term disability you could take?
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