I had dinner last night with some girls that I used to work with. We try to get together once a month and most of the time it works out, but sometimes we just can't make our schedules jive. It is always great to sit and catch up with them. There are 5 of us, including myself. Two of them have kids, once just recently got married and the other is single but dating to find Mr. Right.
As I was sitting there listening to the life updates and the plans people had made for the next few months, like vacation, it made me feel jealous, then annoyed, then frustrated. We don't make plans like that any more. We are literally living our life from once cycle to the next right now because we so desperately want a family. We can't go on a vacation because spending the money it would take to go to a gorgeous location for a decent amount of time could be a fertility treatment.
One of the girls said she didn't think she wanted kids. She said maybe, one day... but not now. I can respect that but I also resent that because she is probably the one who can get pregnant at the drop of a hat and she is choosing not to. I have a few friends who are choosing not to have children. I get that that lifestyle isn't for everyone, just like how going to college isn't one size fits all. It still just makes me think about the fact that here I sit, wanting to have a child with every fiber of my being and I can't. I just can't seem to get pregnant. And I feel (but certainly don't know) that these women who are making the choice not have children could get pregnant easier than me. Like I said, I respect the decisions my friends make it just gives me something else to think about.
I am jealous that people are busy making life plans and I don't even know what I can do next month because it might interfere with my IVF regimen. Sigh.
I know at times it seems as though infertility has taken over our lives. I'd love to plan a real vacation get away with my husband. Not sure when that will ever happen with they way things are going and him being in the Army.
ReplyDeleteI feel the same way sometimes, like everyone else has a normal life, and ours revolves around trying to make a baby (with the help of science, so it's not even fun!). And it's expensive, which sucks and takes money away from all the fun things we could be doing. But (hopefully) it will all be worth it!
ReplyDeleteOne of the hardest things about this whole process is feeling like your life has been put on hold. Honestly, I can't really remember the last 3 years, as it feels like time has slipped away while we've been waiting to expand our family. Because of this, it's hard for me to relate to those who aren't struggling with infertility, as they have no frame of context. That's when we decided to start scheduling breaks and mini-vacations. Hasn't always happened, but when it does it's been helpful.
ReplyDeleteHang in there. None of this is fun, but I do believe that one day soon, we'll both have what we've worked so hard for.
You and me both. We were at a friends last weekend who were talking about a trip to Hawaii this year. I'll be spending all year trying to pay of the IVF in April.
ReplyDeleteHi There-
ReplyDeleteI'm stopping by from ICLW, but I read this post and thought I'd comment here.
First, I want to wish you all the best on this upcoming cycle. It sounds like you've already been through some challenging stuff so I hope this is the one that works!
I know what its like when you talk about how IF changes the Plans that you make. It can sometimes put everything else in your life on hold, which is totally frustrating. It's funny, because I went out to lunch with a friend of mine a few months ago, she asked me how the baby making was going, I told her about the IVFs and stuff. She started talking about how she wasn't really sure that she wanted kids, didn't think she did, etc. I told her that she should make up her mind and if she even thought she did she should try soon, not to wait like I did...long story short-she's now pregnant. How people can take fertility so lightly-and then get pregnant whenever they feel like it-it's really frustrating, even when you're trying to be respectful of people's wishes like you'd expect them to be of yours.
Anyhow, good luck with everything. I'm rooting for you!