Fate will find a way.

That was what my fortune cookie says.  Fate will find a way.  How appropriate for where we are.  We officially entered the 11th cycle.  Since my cycles are short we have had more cycles and we have had months since we started trying.

Last weekend we were out and about and we stopped at Borders Bookstore since it was having a closing clearance.  I bought a few pregnancy books that I had seen several times at other stores because I just couldn't help myself.  When I was flipping through one of the books I just started crying.  I couldn't help it. I had just imagined what it would be like to get two lines on the pregnancy test and what that would even feel like.  We were also in the waiting period so I had some high hopes that THIS WOULD FINALLY BE IT.

Then.... my temp dropped majorly and I knew we were out.

I don't know what to say about it anymore. I mean, what is left to say? It just isn't happening and I don't know why and we don't know what to do and we can't seem to figure it out.  I definitely feel like a different person.  I can't say exactly how I've changed, but I can feel it.  I feel cheated and betrayed and hurt by my body, by science, by God.

 I just wish I knew what we did to deserve this.  What is the reason why we are being tested? Why is it taking this long? What is waiting for us?