I spent some time with my counselor Monday night and we talked about how it feels to be on the other side of this. I expressed my anxiety about "graduating" from our RE to a regular OB/GYN and how I fear I won't be monitored enough... I know it won't be the same and I'm trying to figure out how to be ok with that. Again... one of those things we can't control.
I also started talking about some of the things one of my co-workers said to me when I shared with them that I was pregnant. One of the women said "See, I told you it would happen some day. Now, you'll really appreciate it." Now, yes, those are very simple words, that probably mean nothing to her as she says but to me, it takes away from the pain, the money, the time, the days of working through this. To just say it would happen some day means that we'd potentially be at this for a very long time and that at some point it would happen on it's own... which we know it wouldn't. To tell me that I will appreciate this even more now that I've been through everything... ugh. While it may be true that I may have a greater appreciation than someone who got knocked up the first time without even really trying, there is no way you can sit there and tell me how much I would or would not appreciate something. JT and I were ready for a family. We wanted to grow a family and get to that phase in our lives where we could call ourselves parents and live like such. I believe I would appreciate it at that time because it is something we wanted. I don't know. I told my counselor that I didn't want to over-think what she said because I'm pretty sure she spent no time thinking about it, but this is just proof that once you're an IFer you're going to always have that as a part of you. Truthfully, I never expected it to magically dissapear when we would get to the other side of the wall.
We have our first ultra sounds on April 9... days away. I'm working hard to stay positive and be excited for the ultrasound but I can't lie to you, I'm also scared. I'm nervous for what we may or may not find out. I'm just anxious. Maybe after that I can breathe my first sigh of relief for the first time in 2 years... Maybe, just maybe.
Ah, people really have no idea how much their words effect us. Easier said than done, but I wouldn't take it too much to heart. She just doesn't understand. I'm glad you were able to talk it out with your conselor and hope you were able to get some peace from that. Only 3 more days....exciting!! And nervewracking!! Praying for a good outcome!
ReplyDeleteI completely understand where you are coming from. Everything has been a battle to get to this point, it is natural and expected that you would be anxious and nervous. I am sure if I ever get to that point, I will be nervous all of the time! And to be honest, I also dread the "see I told you so" comments as well! You struggled and fought with infertility AND endometriosis to get here, and no one should minimize that. Hang in there friend, only a few more days! Thinking of you! xx
ReplyDeleteHonestly, people usually say things like this because they are clueless about life and want a way to feel justified in their opinions (which are usually unfounded). I'm willing to bet that if you had been diagnosed with a more culturally recognized disease or affliction, there's no way she would have said something along those lines. In short, ignore her. You've worked hard to get to this point and it's not worth fighting with someone who is limited.
ReplyDeleteI hope Monday brings nothing but joy!
People say such stupid things way too often.
ReplyDeleteDitto what Cristy said. Yes we may appreciate something that took us more time and effort to achieve, but it doesn't mean that we wouldn't flock to be one the people that could get pregnant naturally.
ReplyDeleteI am very positive that Monday will bring an amazing experience. I know that anxiety all too well...just try to stay hopeful.
I hope the ultrasound goes well!
ReplyDeleteAnd you're right, it's pretty clear that person put not one second of thought into what she said to you. If only it was so easy for us not to think about it, too.
Reading this offended me which shows that this is not just you but an issue on her part: not recognizing the realities of IF and your journey. I've learned that people cannot handle the difficulties and sadness that come with IF. It's too hard for them and any chance they get to minimize it to make it happy and easy they will...because *they* need it to be easy. She isn't worth your time and please know that you have all of us IFers on both sides of the fence supporting you no matter how you feel.
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