12 Weeks with a bump pic

How far along: 12 weeks 3 days

How big is Baby: The size of a lime

Not sure why the second pic says Week 11... but oh well.

Maternity Clothes: Still not wearing any yet but I'm working hard to hide the belly at work because no one really knows yet and I don't want to tell my students.  I have noticed the side eye a few times from my co-workers...

Movement: Not for awhile.

Food cravings: Pasta Salad, bland meet- steak, chicken, burgers

Food aversions: strong flavors. I'm pretty much eating food with very subtle flavor

Gender: Won't know until July

Symptoms: itchy skin! Constipation, still have sore breasts,

What do I miss: sleeping on my belly comfortably

Best moment this week: Hearing the heartbeat! We bought a doppler and have only used it a few times, but it's really cool!  Also, Mother's Day.  It was the first one in the past two years where I didn't feel sad and lost.  I had a great day with my family and got some nice cards and wishes.  It was great, a little weird feeling, but great.

What I am looking forward to: Next appointment May 16!

Milestones: Baby is getting reflexes and will soon be able to open and close fingers.  It is also developing sucking abilities.

I've been asked a few times about a bump pic... so here it is:

 Each week I've been making this board with different things about the bug's development and something about how I'm feeling, what I'm craving and then the size.  I try to use different writing for the first part, and I've run out of ideas... can't you tell!?!

11 weeks 5 days.

How do I represent IF?

For the past few months I have wanted to find some way in which I can brand myself with something that would let the outside world know that we've had struggles with IF.  I would like to find a necklace, bracelet or maybe some kind of small symbolic tattoo that would represent IF.

I know the emotional factor will always be with me.  I have a scar from my laparoscopy which determined that I have Endometriosis Stage 3 and every morning when I shower I see that scar.  I'm the only one that knows it's there as it's in a place that you don't show off. 

The financial piece will be with us for some time and our bank statement is a constant reminder of that.  It has been well worth the money, don't get me wrong, but what was once a new car, a new house or the next vacation is no longer.

I want to have something that will make people look and ask what it means so I can tell them of our journey.  I want to have something to remind myself of the person I've become.  I want something to remind me all of you, because you've become such a big part of me.

How in the world do I represent IF?

Green with Envy

Lately there seem to be many friends that I've known for years that are getting pregnant or ready to have their babies.  It is exciting!  The one thing that I'm feeling annoyed with though, is the conversations that I have with those who are planning their second child.  They mention they'll start trying in a certain month and because they got pregnant on the first try with their first one I'm guilty of thinking it will happen so easily for them again.  And, I'm sure they think the same for themselves... I mean why shouldn't they? Of course, that isn't always the case, and I don't wish struggling to get pregnant on anyone, but I feel green with envy at the thought of my friends being able to choose the months in which they would like to get pregnant because they would like to have the baby in a certain months.  I mean really?  I don't even know what that would be like as it's now a distant memory of a place we once were in.  We are so far away from that. So far away.

Lots of Dr. Appointments

Hello dear bloggy friends! I've been gone for some time because life has been an absolutely whirlwind.  I've had so many doctor appointments in the past few weeks. It has just been insane.  It all started when we had met with a nurse in our OB office to go over family history and how things might work for us.  I was sent to get the usual pregnant blood work up that they do, within the next week and a half so the results would be ready for our first OB appointment with the Dr.

Blood work has never really bothered me. Thank goodness I'm blessed with great veins and no fear of needles.  The 6 vials they took from me was nothing. I didn't even bat an eye lash. When we went to see the OB for my pelvic exam and first visit she told me that my blood work looked good except the blood platelets were lower than she would have liked to see.  Looking at the lab work paper that my RE office faxed over my numbers were even lower back in the fall.  She was happy that they had risen by about 40 thousand, but I was still 30 thousand away from the window they like to see.  She told me not to worry as there would be no harm done to the development to the baby or to me but that it was something to look into because down the line with delivery low platelets cause you to bleed more and if they are low enough they won't give you an epidural.

I was told I to go see a specialist.  With her number in hand we set up our next appointment which would be our 12 week appointment (May 16!) and off we went.  I called the office later that day and set up an appointment the following week.

Prior to the appointment with the hematologist I was seeing my primary care physician, whom I hadn't seen in about 2.5 years. He used to take care of my thyroid dosages but once we moved to the RE he took that over so there was no need to see my PCP.  I checked in with him because I wanted him to know what we've been through and how important it is for me to get my thyroid checked regularly.  I told him the numbers my RE wanted to see and that if it went above that he'd have to change my dose.  I find it amazing how going through IF has really taught me to stand up for what I need when it comes to medical care.  I never would have done this before.  He was all for whatever I wanted and was really sweet in congratulating us on our little Bug.

The following day I met with Dr. H who was the hematologist.  She works in the Oncology center and was very thorough with her questions.  She was concerned about my difficulty breathing at times (stairs cause me to be out of breathe and long conversations find me winded).  She wanted me to walk around the office with an oxygen monitor on my finger.  The first time I did this with the nurse my numbers dipped so about 20 minutes later I did it again.   Dr. H was also concerned when she asked about leg cramping and I told her that I just happened to get one in the middle of the night that night.  I know it was just my muscle but she wanted to check for a clot...

I was sent to the check out desk where an appointment was made to get a scan of my left leg... that day.  I then had to do lots of blood work... though I had no idea at the time how much it would be.  I set up an appointment for my spleen to be ultrasound (this is where your blood flows in and how and red blood cells are either passed through or discarded).  I also set up a follow up appointment with Dr. H. 

After doing this I went over to the registration desk and got a wrist band and then headed down for the scan of my leg.  All looked good.

I knew I had to do blood work and I was starving at this point so I made a stop at the hospital cafe because I tend to faint and I didn't want to subject the nurse to this.

After my snack I headed to the lab for the blood work.  I waited about 10 minutes and then about 10 minutes more in the little room while the nurse lay 17 vials in front of me.  SEVENTEEN!!! I couldn't believe it.  She assured me it wasn't that much blood.

Finally, I was free to go home.  I was 4 pm and I had arrived at the hospital at 12:45.  I was beyond tired and completely overwhelmed at what just happened.

This past Monday I went in for the scan of my spleen and the tech was so sweet she gave me a peak at Bug.  Bug looked so cute floating around and I couldn't believe how much of real baby it looked now!  I thanked her 100 times over for that peak and off I went.

I have my follow up appointment with Dr. H next Thursday, the morning after my 12 week ultrasound.  I'm hoping things are ok and will be manageable for later on down the road.

Now you know what's been going on and why I haven't been around.  It's been exhausting and the traveling to these doctors takes up time too.  They are all about 30-45 mins away.  I love my Dr.s so when they switch offices, I follow. :-)

My week of NIAW on FB

I was finally read to blast Face.book with the news that we had struggled with fertility for close to two years.  All of our closest friends and family knew but it's different putting it all out there for old high school friends, acquaintances, college friends, old and current colleagues, as well as family. Once it's out there, it's out there.... but I wanted to do it so badly because I wanted to be the voice for those going through infertility that weren't ready, and may never be ready to tell the people around them what they are going through.

I'm going to share with you the statuses that I wrote on Face.book along with the links I provided.


Day 1- Apirl 22
Today begins National Infertility Awareness Week. 1 in 8 couples suffer from infertility and we are part of that statistic. Infertility is defined as the inability to conceive after one year of unprotected intercourse (six months if the wom...an is over age 35) or the inability to carry a pregnancy to live birth. Visit Resolve.org for more information.

I broke our silence in February. Here's the blog post in case you missed it. (I linked my public blog- if you're interested in checking that one out let me know by sending me an email. I post a lot of photos. ourlifeincycles at gmail dot com) 

My second post later that day:
Thank you all for the kind words and messages. I really appreciate it. ♥ I want to share what we've been through because we're open to talking about it and my main goal is that I want to be the voice for so many of those who can't bear to let anyone know what they're going through. It's a heavy weight to carry. ♥

Day 2- April 22
National Infertility Awareness Week- Day 2:

Infertility is not only an emotional difficulty but also a financial one. We happen to live in a state where fertility coverage is not mandatory which means that we pay out of pocket (or OOP) for... any appointments, medications, or procedures.

Fifteen states have passed laws requiring that insurance policies cover some level of infertility treatment: Arkansas, California, Connecticut, Hawaii, Illinois, Louisiana, Maryland, Massachusetts, Montana, New Jersey, New York, Ohio, Rhode Island, Texas and West Virginia. For more on this visit the insurance coverage section of resolve.org.

Please take a moment to view this video on the cost of infertility.

Day 3- April 24
Fact: A healthy couple has a 20% of getting pregnant each month. That's right, only a 20% chance...

As you pass the year marker your percentage goes down dramatically. Your OB/GYN can help you with initial testing if you find that you're... not becoming pregnant. Please make sure you have a doctor that will monitor you no matter what protocol they have you on. By monitor I mean regular blood work and ultrasound to see what's going on. If your OB/GYN has tested you and things come back "normal" it is a good idea to find a Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE for short- and it's a fertility doctor) so they can do further testing to determine a medical reason for not becoming pregnant.

It's important to know that approximately 30% of infertility is due to a female factor and 30% is due to a male factor.

Overall: Find a great doctor you trust and one that will be there with you every step watching how your body reacts to medication. Trust your body and your gut, if something doesn't feel right, it's probably not.

Professional Services Directory

Day 4- April 25
When dealing with infertility it may feel like you are alone but you are NOT! There are great communities out there- online and peer groups (if you're ready for that go to resolve.org to find a local one). Start reading blogs of those going... through infertility. While each journey is completely different we're all aiming for the same goal- a baby of our own. Check out these videos where some celebrities share their story as well as everyday people. ♥

The Truth About Trying by Redbook 

Second post that day:
 

Day 5- April 26 
Relaxing, adopting, taking a vacation, getting drunk, and not thinking about IT are NOT solutions to fertility issues. Specialists don't prescribe them, and suggesting them to a friend who is struggling isn't helpful. Sometimes, well meaning people give misguided advice. For information on how to support someone experiencing infertility, check out resolve.org's tips on Infertility Etiquette

Day 6- April 27
"Infertility has a strong impact on self-esteem. Suddenly your life, which may have been well-planned and successful, seems out-of-control. Not only is your physical body not responding as expected but it feels as if your entire life is on ...hold. Facing the disappointment of not becoming pregnant month after month can..." be hard on your marriage. Be sure to take time to get out of the house and go on mini-dates. Take care of yourself and each other by doing things that make you happy. Self-care is so important during this difficult journey. ♥ Hidden No More: The Hidden Emotions of Infertility

Day 7- April 28
Today is the last day of National Infertility Awareness Week and I want to remind you that 1 in 8 couples suffer with infertility and there is a good chance you know someone experiencing this difficulty. So, be careful who you complain to about your pregnancy or kids because many couples would do *anything* to have that.
Thank you is not enough for all the amazing support I received via FB message, email, or text.
A *big* thank you to those who shared your story with me.
Love to all. 

I cannot even begin to tell you the number of emails and face.book messages I received.  Some giving support, but many women shared their story with me.  Their story of struggles, and loss, and pain, and the beginning of the journey fears.  It has just been incredible. 

10 weeks

I'm behind on this because I was away for the weekend and starting up school after vacation threw me off.  I'm back posting this for last Saturday, just because I'm a nerd like that.

How far along: 10 weeks and 4 days

How big is Baby: The size of a kumquat- which sounds better than prune

Maternity Clothes: I'm making do with what I have. I did buy some new tshirts so they aren't so tight and I've been more comfortable this week.

Movement: Not for awhile.

Food cravings: Frozen Strawberry Lemonade. I can't get enough!

Food aversions: cake, ice cream, tomatoes

Gender: Won't know until July

Symptoms: itchy skin! Constipation

What do I miss: tmi- but I miss pooping regularly!

Best moment this week: Hitting double digits!

What I am looking forward to: Next appointment May 16, we are told we'll definitely be able to take a listen to the heart beat ... I can't wait!!!

Milestones: Baby can bend arms and legs and is moving around in there!

Trying so hard to keep up

It is so hard to keep up with things these days between Facebook and Twitter and Blogging and Instagram and oh my so much social media.  I'm barely keeping up with my work day and once I get home I am just beat down tired. Exhausted is more like it.  I'm glad to be exhausted, don't get me wrong but I'm struggling to keep up with the groups of people who helped carry me through this difficult time (you all, and twitter friends) and trying to create new bonds with those women who are pregnant (the bu.mp) I like to read what others are going through and then I know that I'm ok and that things are going as they should. I also want to keep up with you all and cheer you on and celebrate when you reach success!

It's so hard to merge the world of who I was before IF, who I became during IF, and who I am today.  Can you even merge them, or do you just become a whole new person? I'm not sure.  All I know is that I feel like I'm doing a bad job keeping up with you all.  I don't want to just up and leave because we got our BFP.  I'm doing my best and we all know that is all you can do. Hugs to all.